I’ve never been happier

To my anxiety-driven mind, that feels like heresy.

To my still-grieving heart that still misses my dad every day, it feels like a paradox, a mismatch, an asymmetry.

But it’s true.

I married the love of my life last week, 4 days of celebrations, surrounded by family and friends. A different kind of wedding, our kind of wedding.

A tsunami of emotions, a stream of affection.

We are expecting a baby boy, due before the end of the year and I can’t wait to be a dad.

I’ve got way more than I think I deserve — a lovely family, whom we will be closer to in a year or so; a wonderful job that I enjoy every day; and a caring, supportive, and amazing set of friends. I’m surrounded by people who give me peace of mind, say good things about me that I don’t even think of myself, and the best person I could ask for by my side.

I feel complete.

On days like today, I wish I had asked my dad more questions. I knew him as “Dad,” but I did not know him as deeply as a person. I would have wanted to ask him about his worries, what kept him up at night, and his life philosophy. But I don’t think many people in their early 20s do that—you don’t usually do that until you’re mature enough to realize your parents will be gone one day, and the clock is ticking.

So as hard as it is for me to enjoy the moment and stay present, it was not hard this time. I felt 0% anxiety or nervousness, I was just so happy I could not even cry, I felt more alive than ever. True, sincere, joyous happiness. I can’t believe I’m writing this. I should tell my therapist.

About Ale

All that I once held as true,
I stand alone without beliefs,
The only truth I know is you.

Kathy’s Song — Simon & Garfunkel

Jávea

After the celebrations, we were ready to take some time for ourselves— to rest and enjoy good food. We spent a week in Jávea, a beautiful coastal town known for its gastronomy.

My oldest brother and sister-in-law gifted us a Canon R100—my very first real camera— and we used the time to capture and create memories with it.

I’m a beginner in this world, slowly learning to compose, shoot, and edit photos. I have very little knowledge about lenses, and I’m a bit intimidated by shooting in manual mode.

I recently (and painfully) learned that the RAW file format does not include lens correction by default, and that photos can look “washed out” before editing them.

I’m looking at this as an opportunity to deeply understand a new medium and, in some way, connect with my Dad, who was a photographer on the side.

I want to be able to tell stories with photography the same way Craig Mod, Arun, Javi, or Erica do.

And so I’m back to work, feeling light, ready for all the challenges life throws at me, and grateful for every beautiful thing I have in my life.